I believe there is a Walmart conspiracy theory. Some evil scientist developed several invisible ray devices that Walmart has installed at their doors. These rays are quite sophisticated. There is an accumulative effect, therefore, rather than receiving a single blast upon your arrival, you receive a milder dosage that goes totally unnoticed. The brilliance is that built into the ray, there is a compelling additive that causes you to want to return to Walmart, thereby receiving another small dosage. It's a vicious cycle. To compound matters, they have installed a different ray device at each entrance. The following rays have been developed:
The "
Stuck On Stupid" Ray;
The "
Ugly To The Bone" Ray;
The "
Bi-Polar/Bi-Sexual" Ray;
The "
Giant Azz" Ray;
The "
WTIF Izat" Ray;
Knowing that people are creatures of habit, much like a zombie, they tend to use the same door to enter upon each visit to Walmart. That is where the accumulative effect comes into play. However, to exacerbate the "Walmart Condition", they will periodically rotate these evil rays so that returning customers devlope acute symptoms from all of the rays, thereby compounding the effects. The end result is a 65 year old really big fat azz man (or maybe a woman, we can't tell)with a nose ring, purple dreadlocks, wearing a pink tu-tu while he is riding his little electric cart and grinning at the camera showing off his remaining three yellow teeth!
Yes, I refuse to shop at Walmart! I am onto their evil plan.
